I love this topic on the 5 love languages. Gary Chapman is the brain behind this and every time I share this (with anyone), it resonates deeply.
What are the 5 languages?
**Words of Affirmation: offering your kids encouraging words after they having done something well or have stumbled e.g. "Your show and tell piece was so well-written! You were able to big words like 'intentional' and 'expectations' and it really made me laugh!"
**Physical Touch: using touch as a way to show love e.g. hugging, kissing, pat on the back, hi-five, fist-bump, snuggling or even sitting close.
**Quality Time: focusing 100% attention on them, incl. eye contact, putting aside phone, engaging in the activity TOGETHER. The focus is on the interaction and relationship.
**Giving & receiving gifts: Giving things that the person likes, showing that the person has been thought about. These gifts are often tangible but do not always have to be. They don't have to be expensive either e.g. handmade card
**Acts of service: Doing things for the person to show that you love them e.g. fixing their car, washing up the dishes, cooking
What to note:
1. Everyone has a dominant love language. To discover what your kids' love language is, you can observe HOW they show their love to you. If your kid always wants to help you to do things, their love language is likely to be Acts of service. If they keep asking for snuggles, then their language is touch.
2. The way they express love is the way they like to receive love. If your kid is a quality time person, they would also be the ones to ask you 'hows your day?' so they can invite you into a conversation.
3. When you communicate in a way that is aligned to their love language, they really FEEL LOVED. Try to find opportunities to tap on their love language so you can fill their love tank. Conversely when you communicate using only YOUR love language (assuming it is different), they may not feel loved! So remember that the FOCUS IS ON THEM, not you.
4. Try to use all 5 love languages so that they too can cultivate different ways of showing and receiving your love.
The point that made the biggest difference for me was POINT 3! I found that if I used my kids' love language, she did not need to keep asking me for more and more love, cause she felt it. <3